Christian Maurice: A depressed boy killed himself and Nigerians laughed.

Today, I read that a National Youth service Corps (NYSC) member killed himself because he lost his girlfriend to another man. 

According to reports, 26-year old Ernest from Edo State who was performing his national duties at Redemption Secondary School, Ofombogha 1 in Obubra Local Government Area of Cross River State, locked himself in his apartment and drank some poisonous substance after a girl he fell in love with returned from her village over the weekend with a ring from another man she had promised to marry. That was the news that took over Twitter and what followed were curses, abuses and mockery of the boy by Nigerians on social media.

Someone on the handle @VictoriaSotonye actually laughed it over as follows:

    “Broken hearted NYSC member commits suicide over girlfriend” hahahahahhahahahahahahaha”

Many others simply called him “a waste”. I do not know the personal demons this boy battled with but I understand depression and I know how easily it can lead anyone down the suicidal path.

Personal demons are just as bad

Nigerians need to understand that depression is as much a killer as any cancerous tumour. Unlike the latter though, it goes about its task of wrecking or destroying a life by masking its presence in other socially acceptable forms like sadness. But behind this veil of deceit is a ravaging monster which like any unwanted weed, grows on you if left unchecked.

Many Nigerians operate daily in a depressive state. We see the signs everywhere: in the feelings of helplessness and hopelessness that tend to characterize the daily life of most individuals; their persistent anger and irritability, self-loathing, reckless behaviours amongst others. It seems as we take our inner demons with us on our daily grind, there is also the tendency to wave off all of these symptoms as part of our lives’ events.

However, there aren’t many health conditions that can engulf ones day-to-day life like depression. It not only interferes with one’s ability to work, study, eat, sleep, and even have fun but also renders him incapable of rational thought. Depression chokes you with unrelenting feelings of helplessness, hopelessness, and worthlessness. Those who mistake it as mere sadness miss the point entirely because the depths to which it can take a person are as low as the depths of Hell from where these personal demons came.

    “During a major depressive episode, the world literally seems like a dark place. What was beautiful may look ugly, flat, or even sinister. Nothing seems comforting, pleasurable, or worth living for. There’s no apparent hope for things ever feeling better, and history is rewritten and experienced as confirmation that everything has always been miserable, and always will be” – Cynthia Lubow

When people laugh at or belittle a depressed person’s problems, they are invariably challenging the person’s reality which inevitably contributes to the tragic consequences. Just to be clear, if ever you made fun of a person’s problem and the person ends up dead or doing himself a major harm, you are culpable. All those who made fun of this boy’s problems while it lasted have a hand in his death.

 When Sadness Masks the Problem.

The snide remarks of Nigerians on this very sad news only underlines our general misunderstanding of depression and even for the medical doctors, the difficulty in diagnosing the condition. Many wonder how someone can take his life simply because he is sad. But sadness merely masks the deeper battles in the minds of the afflicted and this is what makes depression hard to spot. Indeed, there are many mood disorders with symptoms that are similar to depression.

    “Sadness, depression and anxiety are often triggered by life events – and the symptoms are not easily separated out” – Dr. Andrea Fagiolini, MD, a psychiatrist and medical director of the Bipolar Center at the University of Pittsburgh School of Medicine.

There is also the condition of Bipolar disorder. It is a condition that involves shifts in a person’s mood from severe depression to manic phases – with soaring highs, restlessness, difficulty in concentrating, racing thoughts, impulsive decisions, reckless behavior, and poor judgment

According to www.medscape.com a meta-analysis of more than 50,000 patients reported by Alex J. Mitchell, MRCPsych, from Leicestershire Partnership Trust, Leicester General Hospital, in the United Kingdom, and colleagues shows that general practitioners (GPs) correctly identified depression only in 47.3% of cases.

Consequently, the signs and symptoms of depression are not elegantly poised for anyone to simply spot. They are clearly everyday problems that can mean just about anything. The trick is in the constancy and duration of the bouts. According towww.helpguide.org the signs and symptoms of depression include as follows:

    Feelings of helplessness and hopelessness.A bleak outlook—nothing will ever get better and there’s nothing you can do to improve your situation.

    Loss of interest in daily activities.No interest in former hobbies, pastimes, social activities, or sex. You’ve lost your ability to feel joy and pleasure.

    Appetite or weight changes.Significant weight loss or weight gain—a change of more than 5% of body weight in a month.

    Sleep changes.Either insomnia, especially waking in the early hours of the morning, or oversleeping (also known as hypersomnia).

    Anger or irritability.Feeling agitated, restless, or even violent. Your tolerance level is low, your temper short, and everything and everyone gets on your nerves.

    Loss of energy.Feeling fatigued, sluggish, and physically drained. Your whole body may feel heavy, and even small tasks are exhausting or take longer to complete.

    Self-loathing.Strong feelings of worthlessness or guilt. You harshly criticize yourself for perceived faults and mistakes.

    Reckless behavior.You engage in escapist behavior such as substance abuse, compulsive gambling, reckless driving, or dangerous sports.

    Concentration problems.Trouble focusing, making decisions, or remembering things.

    Unexplained aches and pains.An increase in physical complaints such as headaches, back pain, aching muscles, and stomach pain.

You can’t argue with the demons

A depressed person isn’t open to uncomplimentary remarks, for to do so is to challenge the dark reality in which he lives. Throw in this boy’s state of mind with snide remarks from friends on his faltering love life, perhaps, you’ll understand why he reached down to the dark corners of his soul to hide and possibly find some succor. You don’t extend a hand to this kind of person by challenging his realities, knowing quite well that he is unable to think outside of depression mode. You can’t even argue or talk about his burden. The best you can do, which his friends, family and loved ones missed would have been to envelope him in a generous dose of love and commitment when this incident happened, apart from seeking the medical help he needs.

 On a Final note

     “No matter how hopeless you feel, you can get better. Understanding the signs, symptoms, causes, and treatment of depression is the first step to overcoming the problem”

People need to be careful when they mock severely depressed people. The boy died because we belittle how dangerous this mental condition can be. Most times, the only light they see comes at the point where they take their last breath. You may not understand what drives them to that point but it is important you not to complicate it. Empathy isn’t an alien value, so we have the capacity to show a bit of kindness by simply giving a listening ear. In many instances, it can save a life.